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Posts by AZCC

When Sexual Desire Is Out of Sync

Few things create as much quiet tension in a relationship as mismatched sexual desire. When one partner feels rejected, and the other feels pressured, it’s easy to wonder what’s gone wrong. This post explores why desire differences are so common, what they’re really about (hint: it’s rarely just sex), and how couples can move out of painful cycles and back toward safety, connection, and closeness.

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4 Reasons Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Stick (and 4 Tips That Actually Create Change)

New Year’s resolutions often fail—not because of laziness or lack of willpower, but because they’re built on pressure, shame, and unrealistic expectations. This post explores why change doesn’t stick and what actually creates sustainable growth rooted in self-compassion, nervous system support, and small, meaningful shifts.

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Eating Disorders - It's Not About the Food

By Kelly Lopez

If it’s not about the food, what is it really about?

The eating disorder serves a function, it does a job. Despite the problems an eating disorder creates, it is an effort to cope, shield against, communicate, and solve problems. Behaviors may be a way to establish a sense of power or control, self-worth, strength, and containment. Bringing may be used to numb pain. Purging may be a way to release emotions. When one cannot cope in healthy ways, adaptive functions (behaviors) are created to ensure a sense of safety, security, and control.
According to Carolyn Costin*, some of the “adaptive functions that eating disorder behaviors commonly serve are”:
  • Comfort, soothing, nurturance
  • Numbing, sedation, distraction
  • Attention, a cry for help
  • Discharge of tension, anger, rebellion
  • Predictability, structure, identity
  • Self-punishment or punishment of "the body"
  • Self-cleansing or self-purification
  • Protection or safety (through creation of a small or large body)
  • Avoidance of intimacy
  • Proof for self-blame instead of blaming others (for exampl, abusers)
It’s not about the food, it’s a way of coping with low self-esteem, negative emotions, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, unstable home, difficulty resolving conflict and much more.
*Costin, Carolyn. The Eating Disorder Sourcebook: A Comprehensive Guide to the Causes, Treatments and Prevention of Eating Disorders. 3rd. edition, McGraw Hill, 2007.
Fuller, Kristen. “Eating Disorders: It’s Not All about Food.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 22 Mar. 2017

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201703/eating-disorders-it-s-not-all-about-food