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What a Horse Whisperer Taught Me About Therapy

Years ago, I watched a documentary about a man who worked with horses in a way I’d never seen before. He wasn’t aggressive. He didn’t break them. He didn’t use force or fear.

When a horse refused to budge, he didn’t fight it. Instead he patiently stood nearby—steady, calm, and grounded, inviting the horse to move toward him. He gave the horse space to notice him, approach him, and pull away again if needed. He responded gently, over and over, without pressing the fear. Slowly, the horse began to trust him. 

He demonstrated how pressure leads to bracing and resistance, while a “gentle lead” invites even a resistant 1,200 pound horse to follow wherever led based on a sense of safety and trust.

And I remember thinking: That’s what good therapy feels like.

Because therapy—real therapy—isn’t about forcing breakthroughs or having your defenses ripped away. It’s not about rushing healing. It’s not about “fixing” people.

It’s about creating a safe space and waiting with patience and consistency until something in the client’s nervous system says, “I think I can come closer now.”

It’s trust that grows slowly, through presence, not pressure.

It’s healing that unfolds when you’re no longer afraid to be seen.

Therapy Shouldn’t Hurt More Than the Hurt That Brought You Here

For many people, opening up in therapy feels dangerous. Especially if you’ve been told you’re “too much,” or had your pain minimized or misunderstood. It’s hard to trust someone with the vulnerable parts of your story.

However, with steady presence, gentle curiosity, and space for you to take the lead therapy can be a safe place to heal.

Therapy isn’t about forcing you to go deep before you’re ready. It’s about building safety first—so that when you do go deep, it doesn’t feel like falling apart. It feels like finally being seen.

You Don’t Have to Come In Perfect. Just Come In.

If you’re overwhelmed, disconnected, or tired of trying to keep it all together—you’re not alone. Therapy can be a place to slow down, breathe, and unlearn the belief that healing has to be hard.You don’t have to be ready for everything.
You don’t have to know what to say.
You just have to start.

Ready to find a therapist who leads with patience and trust? Book your free 20-minute consult with Kim today.

Eating Disorders - It's Not About the Food

By Kelly Lopez

If it’s not about the food, what is it really about?

The eating disorder serves a function, it does a job. Despite the problems an eating disorder creates, it is an effort to cope, shield against, communicate, and solve problems. Behaviors may be a way to establish a sense of power or control, self-worth, strength, and containment. Bringing may be used to numb pain. Purging may be a way to release emotions. When one cannot cope in healthy ways, adaptive functions (behaviors) are created to ensure a sense of safety, security, and control.
According to Carolyn Costin*, some of the “adaptive functions that eating disorder behaviors commonly serve are”:
  • Comfort, soothing, nurturance
  • Numbing, sedation, distraction
  • Attention, a cry for help
  • Discharge of tension, anger, rebellion
  • Predictability, structure, identity
  • Self-punishment or punishment of "the body"
  • Self-cleansing or self-purification
  • Protection or safety (through creation of a small or large body)
  • Avoidance of intimacy
  • Proof for self-blame instead of blaming others (for exampl, abusers)
It’s not about the food, it’s a way of coping with low self-esteem, negative emotions, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, unstable home, difficulty resolving conflict and much more.
*Costin, Carolyn. The Eating Disorder Sourcebook: A Comprehensive Guide to the Causes, Treatments and Prevention of Eating Disorders. 3rd. edition, McGraw Hill, 2007.
Fuller, Kristen. “Eating Disorders: It’s Not All about Food.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 22 Mar. 2017

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201703/eating-disorders-it-s-not-all-about-food